Went into hospital today for the last in my current round of tests.
A quick summary of tests so far:
2007
blood tests - 2 X day 3 for FSH and 1 X day 21 for Progesterone.
STD tests for clamidia etc.
My DH had a sperm test which said things were 'normal'
All good except that the first blood test for FSH showed 14 'a little high' and the doctor mentioned something about it being potentially a poor ovarian reserve. Nice! I had accupuncture 3 x a month from Feb to Dec and another day 3 blood test mid year which showed my FSH as 9. So it had lowered but I don't know if that was because of the accupuncture or not.
2008
blood test - 1 X day 3 for FSH
Internal vaginal ultrasound 'TV' - about day 8
Hysterosalpingogram and more pictures taken with the 'TV' - about day 15
blood test - 1 X day 20 (they don't take blood on the weekend!) for Progresterone
DH did another sperm test
All the 2008 tests are being done at Queen Mary's Roehampton, near Richmond Park. The blood tests/work is done with a system much like a supermarket deli counter. You go in, no appointments necessary, take a ticket with a number on it from a machine on the wall then wait your turn. There were 35 people in front of me today. They have two nurses taking blood in a side room. They leave the door open and there is a constant flow of people going in and out. Not quite as satisfying as buying a nice piece of Jamon Iberico and Manchego cheese I must say!
I don't have the formal results for these 2008 tests yet. We have an appointment on Feb 13. At the 'TV' the lady said she saw something which looked like a fibroid but it wasn't in a 'bad' place. Off to the side, not where near the cervix or ovaries and not 'hanging' around in the uterus itself.
I have to say although I know that fibroids are quite common it did make me feel odd knowing I had something inside me. My Mum had very bad fibroids. I can remember my sister and I as teenages having to call an ambulence for her in the middle of the night. She ended up having to have a hysterectamy.
The hysterosalpingogram - the one where they put a speculum inside and squirt dye in through your cervix to full your uterus and fallopian tubes - was not as painful as I thought it was going to be. I had read a number of posts which said it hurt a great deal. I felt cramps like mild period pain. I took two panadol (like advil) first. No pain afterwards.
One interesting thing, the speculum part hurt a lot, like it always does for me when I have a smear / pap done. The doctor noticed me wince and said 'I will try a longer speculum that will help', she did and I swear I didn't feel a thing. She told me to ask for a long speculum at future smear/pap tests. That will make a world of difference to me. I always hate those things.
So, we enter yet another two week wait. This time not from ovulation to possible period/possibly pregnant. This time it is a wait to see if the tests revealed anything.
I am quite looking forward to the appointment. One step along and at least we are in the system and being seen.
Showing posts with label trying to conceive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trying to conceive. Show all posts
Friday, 1 February 2008
Thursday, 31 January 2008
Therapy
We went to see our support therapist last night at the hospital.
This is interesting on many levels.....
You see, living in the UK, going to a therapist is not something we talk about. Oh no, we don't really 'do' emotions.
It is so 'not something we talk about' that the hospital we have been referred to for all our tests about baby making didn't even tell me that a therapist was available or that we could get 6 50 min sessions free.
This is very odd. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful that the NHS (National Health Service), into which I have been paying all my adult life and never used until now, is available to us. I am very aware that in other countries there is no financial support for infertility.
But, they have a service....they know that the people coming in for infertility tests and treatment are likely to be a bit screwed up already by the whole experience.....and they don't tell you about their therapist?
So, I found out because I found a free guide on the HFEA website (http://www.hfea.gov.uk/) which when sent to me was actually more like a magazine. That made me laugh. No more Cosmo or anything for me, no the HFEA guide to infertility is my magazine.
Anyway.....
The magazine told me that, in the UK, the treatment centers should provide therapy so I called and made an appointment. I was having a low day. It was just on or after I got my period that month. Those very dark days. I didn't really want to send my few good friends mad by dribbling misery down the phone at them so I thought I would throw it all at a therapist.
We have been for two sessions now. We because it includes partners. My husband isn't sceptical about therapy but he does ask a LOT of questions and I think she thinks he is a nutter.
The first session was a getting to know you session. The set up in the room is very odd. You sit facing her like in an interview but without a table. You are a long way from her. Not sure why that should be. There is a box of tissues in between your chairs. I thought I wouldn't need them (I used one).
I told her how I felt on the period days like I could just crawl back under the duvet and she nearly handed me pills right there and then. Asked me if I was suicidal. I am really not that low so that was an interesting reaction. I don't want to take drugs unless it is really necessary.
The second session we got more into it. It being 'how do you feel' and how to be on less of a rollarcoaster. You know the rollarcoaster.....
period - oh so very low and grief striken, empty, hollow, desperate
post period, pre ovulation - numb with a small flicker of hope
around ovulation - full of optimism
post ovulation before period the fantastic two week wait - optimistic, afraid, fatalistic
Do I want to be on less of a rollarcoaster she asked. Yes please I said.
So her answer was to try and focus on the 'potential' we have to have a baby one day, this year maybe, rather than this month.
She also suggested that if I ever had a negative thought like 'I am never going to get pregnant' I condition myself to follow it up with a positive thought like 'well maybe not this month but maybe this year'.
She also talked about possible physiological impacts of negative thoughts. She had us close our eyes and imagine something that we were very afraid of. Really think about it closely and then recognise how our bodies were responding - heart rate, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, tension in your muscles. Her point was that your thoughts can impact your body...and maybe, just maybe, this was having some influence.
Good job she didn't just say 'relax' like some people say. You woudn't tell a depressed person to 'just be happy' so it drives me nuts when people tell ttc people to 'just relax' and it will happen.
I don't care if there is something in it.
It is virtually impossible to relax when you are:
* monitoring your temperature
* monitoring your ovulation through 'pee sticks' and your delightful cervical mucus
* having blood tests/work done
* having accupuncture on certain days of your cycle to try and balance your system
* making sure you take folic acid, don't smoke, don't drink too much 'just in case'
And yet, if you do none of the above you might miss your fertile days.
So, back to therapy. It is helping.
It gives us a neutral place to talk about it together. We then don't have it surface as much at home so that the emotion is more manageable.
I also think that just being in the system having tests is helping because it is to an extent out of my control now. I am being forced to let go a little.
This feeling may fade. I am realistic. I have read some amazing blogs by amazing women who have been through so much more than me, but right now I am calmer than I have been in 18 months.
This is interesting on many levels.....
You see, living in the UK, going to a therapist is not something we talk about. Oh no, we don't really 'do' emotions.
It is so 'not something we talk about' that the hospital we have been referred to for all our tests about baby making didn't even tell me that a therapist was available or that we could get 6 50 min sessions free.
This is very odd. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful that the NHS (National Health Service), into which I have been paying all my adult life and never used until now, is available to us. I am very aware that in other countries there is no financial support for infertility.
But, they have a service....they know that the people coming in for infertility tests and treatment are likely to be a bit screwed up already by the whole experience.....and they don't tell you about their therapist?
So, I found out because I found a free guide on the HFEA website (http://www.hfea.gov.uk/) which when sent to me was actually more like a magazine. That made me laugh. No more Cosmo or anything for me, no the HFEA guide to infertility is my magazine.
Anyway.....
The magazine told me that, in the UK, the treatment centers should provide therapy so I called and made an appointment. I was having a low day. It was just on or after I got my period that month. Those very dark days. I didn't really want to send my few good friends mad by dribbling misery down the phone at them so I thought I would throw it all at a therapist.
We have been for two sessions now. We because it includes partners. My husband isn't sceptical about therapy but he does ask a LOT of questions and I think she thinks he is a nutter.
The first session was a getting to know you session. The set up in the room is very odd. You sit facing her like in an interview but without a table. You are a long way from her. Not sure why that should be. There is a box of tissues in between your chairs. I thought I wouldn't need them (I used one).
I told her how I felt on the period days like I could just crawl back under the duvet and she nearly handed me pills right there and then. Asked me if I was suicidal. I am really not that low so that was an interesting reaction. I don't want to take drugs unless it is really necessary.
The second session we got more into it. It being 'how do you feel' and how to be on less of a rollarcoaster. You know the rollarcoaster.....
period - oh so very low and grief striken, empty, hollow, desperate
post period, pre ovulation - numb with a small flicker of hope
around ovulation - full of optimism
post ovulation before period the fantastic two week wait - optimistic, afraid, fatalistic
Do I want to be on less of a rollarcoaster she asked. Yes please I said.
So her answer was to try and focus on the 'potential' we have to have a baby one day, this year maybe, rather than this month.
She also suggested that if I ever had a negative thought like 'I am never going to get pregnant' I condition myself to follow it up with a positive thought like 'well maybe not this month but maybe this year'.
She also talked about possible physiological impacts of negative thoughts. She had us close our eyes and imagine something that we were very afraid of. Really think about it closely and then recognise how our bodies were responding - heart rate, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, tension in your muscles. Her point was that your thoughts can impact your body...and maybe, just maybe, this was having some influence.
Good job she didn't just say 'relax' like some people say. You woudn't tell a depressed person to 'just be happy' so it drives me nuts when people tell ttc people to 'just relax' and it will happen.
I don't care if there is something in it.
It is virtually impossible to relax when you are:
* monitoring your temperature
* monitoring your ovulation through 'pee sticks' and your delightful cervical mucus
* having blood tests/work done
* having accupuncture on certain days of your cycle to try and balance your system
* making sure you take folic acid, don't smoke, don't drink too much 'just in case'
And yet, if you do none of the above you might miss your fertile days.
So, back to therapy. It is helping.
It gives us a neutral place to talk about it together. We then don't have it surface as much at home so that the emotion is more manageable.
I also think that just being in the system having tests is helping because it is to an extent out of my control now. I am being forced to let go a little.
This feeling may fade. I am realistic. I have read some amazing blogs by amazing women who have been through so much more than me, but right now I am calmer than I have been in 18 months.
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
OK just one then
I would settle for one.......
For now......
Settling is something new to me.
I used to be told by my Mum 'you will have twins'.
To give her credit, this was not just a wild asertion based on no fact. I do have twins in my Dad's family (would have been my uncles or aunts) and my DH is an identical twin.
So I suppose, by osmosis, this idea has over the years become something of a 'fact' for me.
I always carried the idea around with me that I will, when I know it is right to bring children into this world in a loving relationship when we can afford to put a roof over their heads, have twins.
Inevitable.
Yeah, right.
'Settling' is something new to me and I am not sure I have the hang of it yet. Settle for one, maybe, settle for none? I am not ready to do that.
For now......
Settling is something new to me.
I used to be told by my Mum 'you will have twins'.
To give her credit, this was not just a wild asertion based on no fact. I do have twins in my Dad's family (would have been my uncles or aunts) and my DH is an identical twin.
So I suppose, by osmosis, this idea has over the years become something of a 'fact' for me.
I always carried the idea around with me that I will, when I know it is right to bring children into this world in a loving relationship when we can afford to put a roof over their heads, have twins.
Inevitable.
Yeah, right.
'Settling' is something new to me and I am not sure I have the hang of it yet. Settle for one, maybe, settle for none? I am not ready to do that.
Two too to
I want to add two babies, two children, our children.
I want to add to my family too, like I see others doing.
Not being able to do this (so far) is torture, and I do not use the word lightly, because it appears to be out of my personal control.
I have always been of the mind that you want to do something, you apply yourself, you should be able to do it.
This journey, the journey of trying to have a child, is very different.
I want to add to my family too, like I see others doing.
Not being able to do this (so far) is torture, and I do not use the word lightly, because it appears to be out of my personal control.
I have always been of the mind that you want to do something, you apply yourself, you should be able to do it.
This journey, the journey of trying to have a child, is very different.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)