Those days again

I got my period yesterday.

Despite all the tests during January I had let myself hope that this time we might do it.

Wouldn't that have been ironic. Do all the tests and get pregnant before you see the consultant.

Well. It didn't happen.

Period pain all last night kept me awake.

I don't feel the deep sadness I have felt in other months. No tears. No desperation. I do feel more balanced and positive as a result of the therapy.

We have next week to 'look forward' to, when we get the results of all the tests.

My DH thinks it will happen "when it is right to happen". All very well for him to be so relaxed about it. He won't run out of sperm and he already has a child.....

(Now, before any one says anything, I know that is a mean thing to say about my DH. I am allowed to be mean, no-one else is. He is a wonderful wonderful man. He wan't ready to have a child in his previous relationship. It happened. He stayed to try and do the right thing. He isn't with the mother anymore and he is still doing the right thing. His daughter is a lovely child and I have grown to love her. All this I know to be true. It still doesn't stop me sometimes thinking and feeling that this journey is fundamentally different for him. I think this even though I know that he doesn't have children with me.)